When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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