I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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