so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
