Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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