In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
