I wanna bring you to show and tell
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
