Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
