I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
