WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
