so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
