Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
