4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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