my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
