Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
