i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
