At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
