I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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