I think scott just propositioned me for sex
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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