I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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