it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
