But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
