I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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