It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
