he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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