halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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