She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
