Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
