I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
