i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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