Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
