can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
