I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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