Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
