U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
