Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
no you cant smoke seaweed
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
