I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
