My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
birth control should be required to get into college
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
