Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
