? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
