What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
