I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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