Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
