My first STD was from a foam party
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You made out with two different species that night
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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