K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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