Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
