i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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