he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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