Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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