yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
