I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
