wrigley field is MILF paradise
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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