Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
