I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
