I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
